Feb 18, 2011

So I'm crying because I've been reading my diary type entries and I read how God set me free from several things at the end of the year.  Then I noticed how I became dissengaged after I found out Debbie was no longer in remission.  I really did become dissengaged.  It was so difficult for me that I buried myself and stayed away.  I didn't want to acknowlege it.  I am seeing that keeping a diary is actually a great thing, especially when you have something in your life like cancer. 
Today is Mark's birthday, he turns 46 today.  I have no clue what I'm going to do for his birthday.  Debbie came home from Disneyworld yesterday and today she goes for a treatment.  She won't feel well tomorrow and maybe not even on Sunday but we will do Dad's birthday dinner on Sunday.  She may feel up to coming over and sitting in the chair.
It has warmed up a lot this last week.  A week ago it was so incredibly cold and leading into that cold was a horrible ice storm.  Our back yard is deep in branches and tree limbs.  So the chickens are suddenly much happier since it warmed up and most of the snow and ice has melted and they laid 4 eggs yesterday.  I was pretty excited although I get excited about things like that.  There are only 8 pullets now because dogs got the rest before we got the fences fixed.  For the last two weeks I've been getting one egg a day and even a day with none, so I bought a dozen eggs, (organic, free range).  lol
Today is nice, in the upper 50's but it may rain a little, later in the day.
I have quite a bit to do today.  Pick up the toys and vacuum the downstairs, clean up the kitchen.  Dinner - chicken and noodles (homemade egg noodles).  Homegrown chicken.
We also have to go to the store to get something for him. ???????  So hard to know what to get.
I put a link on this site to a blog I just discovered called "Proverbs 31 Mom"  I thought it could be really helpful for me and maybe you too.
I'll get off here now so I can get stuff done.
After I did my chores I popped over to see Debbie.  She was ready to leave as soon as Maria got there.  Matt had taken the day off to clean up, do laundry and stuff while she's away.  She was not happy.  She was dreading the treatment and I couldn't cry infront of her.  She looked so weak and tired and frightened.  So I told her to remember all the children who are also going for treatment today and to be brave for all of them.  It was a very difficult thing for me to tell her she had to go.  I know there are other mom's out there going through the same stuff.  She talked about how half her body doesn't work anymore and she feels like only half a person.  I took her lifeless hand in mine and I kissed her and bowed my head and prayed to Jesus, to the One who created her and who took pleasure in healing what is hurt and sick and restoring what has been damaged.  I asked Him to give her hope and bless her with healing and light.  After that it was time for her to leave.  I pray to God that He hears every prayer and I know He does.  I had to write this because I can't let it go and just pile into the rest of my day.  Thank you for listening.