September 2010

It has been a long time since I wrote in my diary, journal whichever. It has been busy but I don't think that's the reason. I have been going through some changes, good ones. I've been taking care of my chickens. We ate 3 of them already and six are in the freezer. Today at least two more will head that way. It should be a lot cooler today and dry weather, perfect for this kind of job. I have eggs eggs and more eggs. The pullets are very interesting birds. They take laying very serious. They also take foraging very seriously. They fly over the fence and forage over to the neighbors and I've even seen them at the next neighbors. I'm trying to control them but it isn't so easy. My garden was a serious flop. I was tempted to give up completely on gardening but haven't. Mark's dad gave me some encouragement. I'm not good at digging but can do a little at a time. So I've decided to work first on a herb garden close to the house. The chickens help me dig and work the soil quite fine. I also have a tiny rotor tiller which I am able to hold for short periods. I can't use it too long or I end up feeling the vibrations in my muscles for too long after. I hate that feeling. Mark quit drinking on the 6th of July 2010. Not a drop since. The first couple of weeks were difficult since he wasn't well and we had to make a trip to the emergency room via squad. But he is past that, takes his vitamins, eats much more healthy and regularly and is sleeping well. He has not stopped working around here since he quit. He made fences all over the yard to contain chickens, too bad they don't pay attention to the fences. He tore the bathroom up and tiled the walls around the bathtub area. We bought those tiles about 8 years ago with that in mind, so it's awesome to finally see it done. He is a perfectionist so he also put lights over the bathtub and connected them to the fan so you can see in there and you'll have to turn on the fan. It looks wonderful. Now he's spent the last 2 weeks on the roof of the house. He is remaking the entire roof. It is looking so fine. He hasn't had to mow for about a month because we have barely had any rain this summer. Anyway we've been eating dinner together as a family, holding hands to say a blessing. This is wonderful.
Debbie is still well, although sometimes weak. She is still working. I am so thankful that God has given her time. Her and Eli moved next door. She fell in love with the neighbor. Go figure. We think it is so awesome that we are neighbors now. She said, "Don't worry mom, I'm not going anywhere." When she needs me to take care of her it is very easy. I just walk across the lawn. (watch out for the chicken poo)
Chloe is back in ballet. She will be in the Christmas, Nutcracker production. So we have more practices. She loves it. She also started Kindergarten homeschool this year. After I requested permission to homeschool her and the school board excused her, I found out she wouldn't be starting this year because she's not the age. You would think the school board would have told me that. But they didn't. Anyway, she loves kindergarten and is so fun to teach. Who cares what age she is. She loves learning.
I've had huge inspiration lately. This blog was going to be about my struggle to find my place as a Christian stay-at-home mom.
This is in no way to be about what you or anyone else should be doing. This is about me and what God's plan for me is.
I've had this burden for a long time. I'm lazy, tired, discouraged, depressed, my house always in a heap. Never ready for anything. Always behind and trying to catch up.
I was just looking at my life and thinking, I'm not very proud of myself, my home, my accomplishments. Lets add unhappiness to that list too.
I've tried gradually working on things adding to my daily chores etc. But it seems that it always ends up back to the same place.
I've read Proverbs 31 over and over. I do get excited about the passage but it's not all realistic to today, at least not the way I was reading it.
So, since nothing works to change this old goat from her habitual ways, I got down on my knees in begging attitude to "please, help me, change me, help me to do Your Will, think the kind of thoughts which please you and use my hands to bless you and let all my activities be a worship to your Name, each and every day for the rest of my life."
This is in an attitude of "supplication" a kind of prayer where you double yourself over and beg for help, with tears if it be so. How needy am I.
I am needy. I can't live one moment without God's help. I always thought I was cut out to be something else. I mean, maybe a famous author, or artist or who knows, but washing the floor, are you kidding me. Dishes dishes dishes. Laundry. dusting, vacuuming. Ok I know how to do that stuff but it has never been important to me.
So my need led me first to prayer.
Then it led me to an article written about a woman in the 1800's. And what she would have done from first thing to last thing in a day. It was very interesting. The whole point of the article was that she didn't have the conveniences that we have and that we should be thankful for what we have and not complain about doing our chores.