Changes

Changes even good and great changes are prompting floods of weeping.  Maybe my age.  Maybe withdrawal from mothering certain older children.  Maybe missing Joanna so much I have nightmares about uncontrollable crying.  Maybe that too is part of aging.  Maybe not understanding why she would want to have her wedding in Idaho with strangers instead of here with the family who raised her.  Although that point is becoming more redundant as everyone is moving to different parts of the country.  But I suppose what I feel is that I am the family as I am her mother and I raised her and loved her into adulthood.  Maybe I loved her too much, naw, that's not possible.  Maybe I didn't love her enough, then why the pain?